The last few weeks of 2014 reminded me of what it was like to be alive and live, not just exist. That is something I have not been able to say before. Not with fibromyalgia. But this year I tried something different. I did not claim the fibro as my own. It just merely existed but it was no longer ‘my fibro’ and that made a huge difference in the way I saw life. I trusted that life knew what it was doing. And I allowed it to do its thing. And whatever was going to happen, I was going to allow it and a main thing I did? I felt my way through it all.
So what did I do to help shift from enduring to living?
Beginning with picking up painting, I felt something I had not felt before. The brush on the canvas. The smell of paint in the air. The feeling of paint on my fingers and looking down and seeing an array of colors building up on said fingers. On some projects, using mixed media methods such as magazine clippings or more so Modge Podge was brought out. That smell is strong but now, already, brings about such warm, inviting feelings. Clipping out various items to go on the canvas is always a favorite thing to do for me. Using stencils and paint pens. And wow oh wow when I see a finished piece! I cannot get over that feeling of pride when I view a completed canvas that I have had the pleasure of doing. I will admit that my husband and I have spoken about it in a half-joking, half-serious manner. He said something along the lines about giving some away because of our lack of wall space and so I made more wall space. Ha! Not that I do not want to bestow any onto anyone else, but I work on these and most are very personal pieces so I would love to keep them. And the last thing about painting that I love? The shopping! I love looking for paints, brushes, stencils, canvases, mixed media stuff and so much more. Michael’s is our place we go to down the road from us and I get coupons all of the time from there. We just live it up while we are in there.
Another big thing that was introduced to me and I decided to go with it daily, is makeup. I have never really had much in the way of makeup and, save for a few times in the past, I have never really tried to wear it or own it. Well, it began with a $13 assortment from Amazon that had everything you needed in one location. It was great. It’s in the shape of a shell, and it opens and you see all that you need with each layer you open. So I began wearing just a little bit each day until I was hooked. The mascara that came with it was tiny and I was out of it and I wanted some lip stick to travel with instead of taking the whole thing with me. So I went to Walgreens a few days ago with those purchases in mind. I found what I needed but stopped. It was the 26th, the day after Christmas, and there were gift sets in the beauty department half off! I went over there. There were cologne and perfume sets, shower gels, and shaving kits. Then it happened, I turned down the next aisle. ALL MAKEUP. And all of it about $1.50 a piece. There was another lady there whom I had been speaking with earlier and we started laughing and we cleaned up that aisle – it was fun. She would look out for me, and I for her. The best part? There was mascara and lip supplies ten fold! I checked out, and even with picking up my medication and a sweet tea, I still paid less than $20 and you see the picture, I cleaned house. And, much like the painting, I am enjoying playing with colors on my face. Whether it be a blue eye shadow one day or a dark pink lip stick another, I am having a blast with it.
I received a trike for Christmas. A trike! Can you get over it? I am so very excited! I was able to ride it one day before it became really cold the last few days. And the freedom I felt. The wind in my hair. The joy in my heart. The skipped beats in my heart. And the exhaustion by the time I was done. The seat needs raising and the chain needs greasing. So we have to do that. I rode on the day after Christmas and it’s been way too cold every since, I am waiting for a nice day!
Last night, On new years eve, we refused to go out to drink and party. One, we have Austin. But, two, we are in our mid-thirties. I know others may decide they can party and such at that age, but we are not them. So, after finding out Half Price Books was open til 8, we headed there. I found some gems in the poetry section. Pablo Neruda, Rumi, Sylvia Plath and an unknown named Charles P Ries. I love the smell of the books. I love the amazingness of that store. And we are blessed that it was open last night. Then we went to the grocery store and he purchased some beer and I chose some ‘Jamaican Me Crazy’ wine coolers which I hadn’t drank in quite some time. At home, we watched the older movie, ‘Clue’, which brought back memories. But something just felt off so I was thinking of just going to bed. But then Zach came and sat with me on the couch and cuddled with me and so suddenly things came to life and felt amazing. So, I was open to watching another movie then. So, it was ‘Blazing Saddles’ time. I dozed off on the couch and then woke up for midnight kisses. And then dozed back off on the couch for the evening.
New Years morning. The pitter patter of the rain on the window. The thoughts and intentions for 2015 coming to light. I get up and take a shower and get dressed and I can see how I do dress boho chic and I love it. My intentions roll right out of me –
Yes to sleep, music, water, books, paint, creating, fun, dreams, road trips, love, unplugging, cuddling, writing, encouragement, understanding, devotion, loving, living, breathing, decorating, revamping, more balancing, taking action, letting go, moving on, dropping things off, organizing, f*#king, being, silencing, talking, dancing, singing, reading, less procrastination, more dedication, more participation, true living and less enduring, to stop spinning my wheels and make actual progress, and more, more, more and more …
2015 will be me – magnified. This year better be prepared for me, because I am ready to kick ass.