The Realization


For too long I felt unsafe.
And even when I thought things were safe,
I had the rug pulled out from under me
more times than not.
And being surrounded by
those constant words
and reminders of that possibility
were not doing me any favors.
Fear remained
a constant in my repertoire.
Once I did become at ‘home’ with something
around me that seemed to make me feel better,
I would soon have it ripped away from me
for this reason or that reason.
But I expected that.
Given conditioning and all what
I had seen as ‘examples’,
my head was spinning on what was right
and what was up and down –
which led me to more
questions than answers.
The cycle was still going.
I was becoming the same one
I tried so hard to break free from.
The same habits, the same attitudes,
even the same looks –
that stopped me dead in my tracks.
I had to change.
I had to take charge
and if I was feeling unsafe,
I reminded myself that it is different now,
and always will be.

  • – Renee Furlow; January 2016

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