For too long I felt unsafe.
And even when I thought things were safe,
I had the rug pulled out from under me
more times than not.
And being surrounded by
those constant words
and reminders of that possibility
were not doing me any favors.
a constant in my repertoire.
Once I did become at ‘home’ with something
around me that seemed to make me feel better,
I would soon have it ripped away from me
for this reason or that reason.
But I expected that.
Given conditioning and all what
I had seen as ‘examples’,
my head was spinning on what was right
and what was up and down –
which led me to more
questions than answers.
The cycle was still going.
I was becoming the same one
I tried so hard to break free from.
The same habits, the same attitudes,
even the same looks –
that stopped me dead in my tracks.
I had to change.
I had to take charge
and if I was feeling unsafe,
I reminded myself that it is different now,
and always will be.
- – Renee Furlow; January 2016